Friday, February 18, 2011

Being honest

There have been things that I haven't written about. They seemed too personal to put out there. I'd already been on an emotional roller coaster enough, I didn't think I was ready to put certain parts of our lives out there.
But here goes..

We began trying to conceive again in August last year. All methods have been used. And I found out that my body has an *amazing* capacity to fool me.

With the wild up and down emotions of trying to conceive, while still mourning the loss of didn't seem wise to be putting myself or my body through that stress.  So we stopped all our methods. Neither one of us like or agree with birth control methods, especially between married couples. Regardless of what the OB recommended!

We decided to take a break, get my health under control, allowing us time to mourn Mickey the way we need too, finding out who we were again as a couple, reconnecting, etc.  This was a good choice to make, even if our hearts earn for a baby again.

That being said...we both have fears of our chance to be parents has past. That we won't have more children. I have been dreaming lately of being pregnant, and losing the baby, either via miscarriage, still birth or shortly after birth.

We know now that the horrible can happen. It's hard not to see gloom around the corner. It's hard to have hope, when we know how far a fall grief can be.

So please...keep us in your prayers. For peace in our hearts for many things, for contentment in Christ no matter the way our lives proceed from here.

Thank you...I'm so nervous about putting this out there for masses to read.

May God bless you as he has us.

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