Something I was told a long time ago, was that God doesn't need perfect, blameless and put together.
He needs the willing and repentant.
As I remember this, in my own life, I wonder sometimes why He choose to use me, or you, or you. It seems there others who have the right words, and the right 'look'. But...He reminds me once again, that He looks for the righteous, for the hearts of men to be turned towards Him. Those He can work with. That is where He prefers to move.
Writing the post on our adulterous beginnings, broke me. It was a ripping off of a festering wound. It was needed. We didn't act like believers, we didn't walk with integrity. We chose sinning over listening to Him. But He is a God of mercy and grace, one who loves His children, even when they stray from Him.
I know that He will continue to work in us, and bless us. Showing us never-ending grace, and love. Reminding us that He gave His life, for these sins. He saw us, in our sin, from afar...and took it upon Himself. To redeem us. To sanctify us. To wash us in His blood, so we would be clean again.
I also know that to truly heal, the sin needed to be exposed to light. No more hiding, no more opportunity for those quiet whispers of guilt, or allowing myself to be my own personal battering ram. No more.
It is time to accept that I've been forgiven, that our lives have been redeemed. It is time to completely rest in the peace of my Abba, and allow His truth, His love, His wisdom to sooth my soul, to heal the pain, and the guilt. To banish forever those words of condemnation.
I'm not perfect, I have made mistakes, and continue to do so. But my story isn't defined by those mistakes. I'M not defined by those mistakes. I am a work in progress, I am a child of God, I am fighting against my fleshly desires daily, to cling to my Savior and hold onto His words of grace and mercy.
He tells me that I am beautiful, perfectly able to do what He's called me to do. He holds my pain in His hand, and takes it far from me, giving me His unending peace instead. He wipes away the tears and shame, and pulls me up from the deep dark, to stand by His side in the warm sunshine.
I will choose to take my steps according to His direction, according to His purpose. Everything I have gone through, is changing me into the woman He has made, and it is good, in His eyes. Nothing I've done is a surprise to Him, nor is it something that He cannot make good and use for good.
Today, I walk in the sun, letting it lift my too-long-laden spirits. Allowing Him to shine His love down on me.