O Lord, God Of Truth

Psalms 31:1-5

1In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed;
In Your righteousness deliver me.
² Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly;
Be to me a rock of strength,
A stronghold to save me.
³ For You are my rock and my fortress;
For Your name’s sake You will lead me and guide me.
⁴ You will pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
⁵ Into Your hand I commit my spirit;
You have ransomed me, O Lord, God of truth.

Refuge, deliver me, rescue me, rock of strength, save me, my fortress, lead me and guide me, my strength, ransomed me...

Oh Abba Father, how precious those words are to me. I've held them tightly to my heart in times of deep lose and pain. Sometimes I didn't  understand them, or 'feel' them being true. But still I held on. 


I want to encourage you, my reader today. So many of you may be hurting, emotional, physically...spiritually.  Things may not make sense to you, you're confused or angry as to why it's happening. 

I urge you to keep pressing on. He will guide you, He is your strength, He is you refuge! He has told us this is so, so it is. Trust His words. Trust Him. 

Michael: His Impact

Sometimes I wonder how far Michael's story has reached. Whose lives have been changed because he lived just 5 short months here with us. How far does his story reach into the cyber world, and into the hearts of those who know it?

I remember thinking that I wanted him to be remembered. To be valued. To have a reason to be here.

What was that reason? 

Will I ever fully know it?  

Why was he chosen for us, what purpose was there for him to be our child? 

So many questions, and frankly...not many answers. I won't really know how far his life and story has reached. I won't know the full reason he came here, to our family, for us. I can only just ask myself, what can I learn from that? What I can I give to others, to my children(his siblings), to my husband? 

More questions. But death and surviving always bring questions, lots of them. Many that burn in the gut, for many months. Questions poured out in tears and sobs. Questions screamed to the heavens. Always seeking an answer. What I wouldn't give to know the answer to mine. I'm sure you'd like to know the answer to yours as well. But sometimes in the quiet non response from Him...you do get an answer. A quieting of the soul, the hearts heavy burden of pain is eased, the mind is able to function like before. 

But you still hold that scar. Today as I held my son, and listened to him babble in toddler speak, a little frisson of grief clinched...then released. A moment filled with all the regrets and grief, experienced and released. I wouldn't hear my first born's toddler voice. Today, I played on the floor with both of the kids. Jeremiah running around yelling and laughing, Molly watching and smiling. Another little frisson of grief. Another moment experienced and released. I won't have all of my kids to sit and watch.

These moments will never stop, and they ebb and flow as the seasons pass. Our lives have been changed in ways we're still learning about. Life is still lived. It's savored now, like a longed for holiday dinner with long lost family; everyone lingers at the table, so they don't miss the company. Or that bottle of wine you've kept for a special day and realize that today, right now, is a special day. Life is what God makes of it, and I am just along for the ride trusting Him to explain when necessary, give peace to my troubled heart, wisdom to guide my children with and grace to live as His child. 

Today, I'm praying for you. If you've lost a child, or a loved one, please know. God is with you. God will hold you and give you comfort unlike anyone else. I am praying for you. 

A Time For Everything

In God's Holy Word He says there's a time for everything, a season for all. 

Right now as I sit here in the kitchen, watching my daughter rock in her rocker, watching the washer run, and cooing to it...I remember that 3 years ago, my world was going to be rocked in a way that I couldn't imagine. Would never have imagined.  But I walked through that experience, and have walked through a few more life changing ones, since then. 

I have survived. I have changed with these moments of time. I have been on my knees at His Throne more times than I can count. I am better in some ways. Others...not so much. 

I have known the 'refining fire' of which the Word speaks of in Malachi.

I also continue to walk through small trials, small reminders of a certain little boy and his precious memories. 

I am making it, one day at a time, sometimes, one moment at a time. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by those moments, those memories that surface a little to fast for me to handle. Yet still I make it through, I hold fast to what I know. 

There is a time for all...There is a season for everything. 

I won't say what this season is, except it's still walking through the trials, the memories, it's still walking by faith, through the hardships. 

If you've faced something that has rocked your world, I'd love for you to share it with me. You can comment here, or leave a private message on Facebook, if you'd like. 

May God's peace go with you

A Few Things Close To My Heart

A few things have grabbed my heart this year, and I'd like to share them with you!

First being, October is SIDS Awareness month. Too many children still pass away without a reason given, thus it's declared SIDS, leaving the parents with no idea why it happened. Please consider giving towards research and education, over at The CJ Foundation for SIDS. Remember to keep those families who've lost a child to SIDS in your prayers this month. Thank you!

Second, Operation Christmas Child! I know, it's only October 2nd, but their deadline is coming up fast! Make sure you head over to their site and check out the resources they have available. This year, we're doing one with Michael in mind.
 Their mission: The mission of Operation Christmas Child is to demonstrate God's love in a tangible way to needy children around the world, and together with the local church worldwide, to share the Good News of Jesus Christ.

Third, with the election so close, and with all that I've been convicted of, I've joined in with many others to pray for God's guidance in these coming days. I've decided that enough of enough, I needed less of me in my choices, and more of Him. I joined a site called, If My People 2012. From September 28 to November 6th, they will be praying for the nation, for our leadership, for a revival in the hearts of believers. I ask that you join with me, and my family, and seek His face during this transitional time in our nation.

Thank you for taking the time, to consider one of these actions. I know there are many more deserving foundations and movements to participate in, but these 3 are my focus right now. 

I hope your October is a blessed one, and go now, and bless others! 

Operation Christmas Child: Because of Michael

If you've known me any amount of time, since Michael passed away, you know that I try to do things that matter, because all life is precious and short.

This year, we are going to be participation in Operation Christmas Child. I would love to pack a box, for a child that would be about 3 years old, because that is how hold Mickey would be, if he were hear with us. The lovely thing bout OCC is that you don't have to wait until the drop off dates ( Nov 12-19) to make a box. You can mail it directly to their offices:

Samaritan’s Purse
Operation Christmas Child
801 Bamboo Road
Boone, NC 28607 


I would love it if you and your family decided to join ours this year, to help another child via gifts of toys, health items, school supplies and more. The website has a list of things you can send, and things you can't. 

Pray and consider this as part of your giving this year. Do it in memory of someone, or because of someone. Or just do it from the generosity and compassion of your heart. 

It's never to early, to think about the spirit of giving. 

Thank you!

Can You Dance In The Rain?

As a little girl, I loved to go outside during rain storms, and play in my bathing suit in the puddles. Rain was magical, fun, special. Clean, fresh.

Growing up, it remained the same. If it was raining, I was giddy and excited! It still is cause for excitement, joy, reflection and more.

After losing Michael, one song came to mind, often. Over and over!

Praise You In This Storm, by Casting Crowns. I'd loved it before hand, but afterwards, it seemed like it became my mantra. Even though I didn't 'feel' like praising, I knew one day I would. That I should. Please allow me to share the lyrics with you, below.

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away

[Chorus:]
And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away


I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

So now...more than before...my joy in storms, actual storms, causes me to remember God's mercy, His promise to me, that my help is the Maker of the Earth, that my pain and my tears are numbered and known to Him. That my true source of praise is IN Him who is Everlasting to Everlasting. Not in things of this world, things that pass away and decay. Even as I re-read those lyrics, I feel a swelling of love, and peace that I know, only comes from Him. From the knowledge of who He is. 

So when it rains...when the storms come your way, remember that there is amazing beauty in them, there is always a rainbow to come. There is ALWAYS hope. 

Let's go praise Him, in the storms that come, both the weather kind, and the life kind!  

How CAN I Accept Loss?

One thing I've learned about losing loved ones. 

Loss is truly loss. 

Some seem more poignant than others. Because it upset the 'order' of life. Because it was unexpected. Because :::insert your own reasons here:::

When I finally went to a grief program at my church, called, Grief Share, I was confronted with others grief journeys that resembled my own in so many ways. I had assumed that some losses hurt more than others. And maybe thats so, but who was I to judge at that time? In those groups I saw the pain, and anger others were feeling at the loss in their life. The guilt. The woulda-coulda-shoulda's all abounded. The tears, the laughter and then feeling guilty about it.

We had all lost someone. Someone we loved very much and wanted to stay with us. Though our losses ranged from Michaels young age, to an elderly women who'd lived a long life...we all felt the missing link in our families, in our lives. 

And oh the questions, the anger, the fear, the grief in that room was noticeable right off.

Why? 
Why Him?
Why Her?
Why right now?
Wasn't he/she a good person?
Didn't they deserve to grow up, get married, hold their grandchildren, see that game they saved so much for?

On and on the questions went.

Usually with no answer. And thats the kicker.
No reason why. No voice from on High speaking and answering our particular whys.

I have come to accept that my questions, (some of them) will not be answered this side of Heaven. Or...at least with answers 'I' wanted to know. I can't forget to tell you that He has answered my questions. Some of them are, Trust Me. Others, Remember that I Am. And, I am faithful to complete it. These answers are enough for me, but not others. And I have to admit that sometimes I've questioned these answers. Asked Him why I couldn't know the 'Why'? 

But the plain truth is this:

I have to accept Michaels passing. My Dad's passing. I have to accept it on several levels. Physically, they will NOT come back to this earth.  Mentally, I can NOT lean on my own understanding, or questioning or feelings, so I must accept what I know is true in His Word about life, trials, and after death. Spiritually, I TRUST Gods Word. All of it. In professing so, I have to choose to believe that there is good in these losses. That although I hurt. Although I'm angry. Although I'm missing them. I. Choose. Too. Trust. In. What. I. Know. About. God's. Character. 

Shortly after Mickey's death, I met with a woman a few times. A woman who'd lost her own son, and was a mentor of sorts to others who'd lost children. Something she said once has stuck with me so much, and made me realize that acceptance was a huge part of the healing process. She said, "I cannot accept my son's death." Looking back, I wish I could ask her more questions about this. Like why not? What can't you accept? Instead I nodded and said I understood. Because I did. Then. I believe God used that statement to bring awareness to my heart and mind, that I needed to open my eyes to His truth. His healing. His peace.

How can you have peace, if you don't choose acceptance and trust in the God you profess to believe in? In my limited knowledge, I don't see how that is possible. Maybe I'm wrong. But for myself, it was/is true. 

It's a daily choice to accept His peace, instead of hugs, laughter, new memories. 
It's a daily choice to accept His truth, instead of the anger, grief, woulda-coulda-shouldas. 
It's a daily choice to accept Him, instead of my son and Dad. 

I'm not perfect by any means, and some days I don't choose Him. I choose instead the grief, the longing, the pain. Those days are less and less as time goes by. But they are still there. Still pop up in my life. I'm sure they will until I pass on, and get my promotion. Until then, though. I am to trust Him, and try to choose Him more than grief. Him more than anger.

I do know that as a believer, I have a hope of seeing my loved ones again. And that can be a balm to a weary soul. I truly don't know how I'd be if I didn't have this assurance from God and my faith. I'm sure I'd still be angry, full of pain, unable to live life such as I have now. But one can never really know the 'how' of their life in those situations until you're IN that moment.

Be blessed, and God's grace to you. 

Everlasting God, By Lincoln Brewster.
I love this song, and it's a good reminder of God's character, His faithfulness, His peace. Please play it, and enjoy!




Other resources on Choice:
A.W. Tozer Devotional on Choosing


Linked too:

Hurting, Angry, Lying To Myself

Will relief never come? Will the scars continue to mar the beauty of what might have been?

Will relationships with others always be skewed because of where you have been or what has been done to you? - Kay Arthur, Lord, Heal My Hurts

(click here to order your own copy)

I've been doing Kay's studies for a few years now, and I have to say that while I have not been faithful to complete them, God has been faithful to grow me, show me, and teach me His Word. I have started this study many times, only to stop shortly afterwards. Because it hurts too much. Because facing the anger and deep pain is overwhelming. Because I've told myself that I've dealt with the last few years and do not need the help. I lie to myself.  Have you ever done that? And then been shown time and time again, that your deceiving yourself? Crow tastes pretty disgusting, doesn't it? 

In reading a blogger friends recent posts, I've come face to face with my own lies. Face to face with the need to work through the pushed aside emotions and fears. To allow God to work in my heart once again. To continue to perfect me, (although I'm sure that will take eons to finish). It seems timely, that I pledge to stay off of Facebook and God brings this mind. So, this is my plan. To start and FINISH Kay's book, Lord, Heal My Hurts. 

Jeremiah 33:6
Behold, I will bring it health and healing; I will heal them and reveal to them the abundance of peace and truth. (emphasis mine)

This is my prayer, my plea, my greatest desire. To have peace, to know truth. To accept them. And ultimately, to KNOW God and His character. To trust Him fully, like I did for a short while in 2010. 

Please pray for me on this journey. Only God knows what bumps and scrapes and mountains and valleys I'll have to traverse, for His glory. 

And if you need prayer as well for a deep pain, one perhaps you've hidden from others and even yourself, please comment below. You don't have to go into an explanation. 

Trials = Are They Really A...Trial?

² My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. ⁴ But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

• 
  

James 1: 2-4

Growing up, I'd had a pretty easy life. Nothing really caused me to stumble or question life too much. I just strolled through it, literally without thought to trials. Oh, occasionally I'd mention that I was blessed to not have trials to endure. But that was such a passing thought. 
Thinking back now, I guess you could say that I did have bumps in the road that should have rocked me. My Dad having a massive heart-attack. My beloved Grandpa passing away. Then his wife, my beloved Grandma 7 years later.
But I can honestly say...those experiences did not rock me. Or my life. They didn't cause me to question God, or enter into honest, real dialog with Him.
Nothing did...until Michael passed away. It wasn't natural. It wasn't expected. These things didn't happen to people like me. What kinda people am I talking about? Well...believers of course. But, they do. My faith, my whole foundation had taken an earthquake like I've never experienced before. I was slammed face first into my faith and what I'd professed to believe for so long. I had choices to make. I had the biggest set of trials to walk through than ever before. I still walk through them. I still have choices to make.

Do I believe that God is good? Is God good? 

Do I trust that His will is perfect for me life? Can I trust Him?

Do I let go of my son, into His hands? Can I believe He loves Michael more than I?

Can I stand up under the grief that held me down? Can I call on Him...?

Can I fully turn to God for my strength? Will I let Him help me? 

These, and many more questions came at me then, and sometimes now.

People walk lightly around me still, when they find out about Michael. I wish they wouldn't. I still get treated me like I'm broken. But I'm not...at least not in the way they seem to think.

It's because I asked those questions. It's because I railed at God. It's because I opened myself up, hurts, bruises and all to Him. It's because I sought Him, and found Him. It's because I let go.

It's because...that I am not broken. That I'm not stuck in my faith.

I still have so much to learn, and have so many ways to grow. But I know my God loves me. I know I can trust Him. I know I can hold onto Him, when nothing else will stay.

So trails...yes I know them. Before they happen, you don't think of them. During them, you struggle and seek. After them, you're thankful, for them mean you know more of God. You are closer to Him.

Have you had trials that have grown you? Made you question Him? Do you still struggle with His plans for your life? 

Posting about Jeremiah! What?!

I just don't care anymore.

About what I used too.

Oh wait. Yes I do.

I just don't desire to talk about it much. Especially on Facebook.

I took a break from there, and while I go back often again now, I just don't have that urge to post about passionate, caustic things.

I'd rather post about Jeremiah. Which has caused me to lose a few 'friends' I've noticed. But really...it doesn't bother me. I have all the friends I need and want. People who know me and understand me, fault and all. People who don't expect me to be perfect. People who except my mistakes, small or big. Maybe I'm mean...maybe I'm being hormonal. But I don't have time for people who are so ready to take offence, who don't take the time to understand.

This is stuff I've had 'brewing' on and off for a few years.

I've been told some interesting things since my son died. Things that I shouldn't have been, things that maybe I did need to hear, but not in the moment it was given. Things that just boggled my mind...and still do, quite frankly.

But all of these things only make me stronger, make me realize that life is short...I need to let go. Let go of those who don't want to be in my life. And not take offence to their choice. Because lets face it...we ALL can't be buddy buddy, because then it would be boring, ;)

So anyways...yeah I post about Jeremiah. I'm THAT mom. My facebook is taken over my my children, and articles about them. According to the feminist movement, I'm helping to set it back a few decades.

Swell!!!

I'm okay with that. :p 

More Complete Randomness

So, now that I've written something...a few more things come to mind. Some that I've discussed with others, some not.

1. I feel like some people friend-ed me awhile ago, to watch how a mother deals with a childs death. I feel like I was a reality show for some. And when I didn't continue to break down or be emo...they got upset at my posts. All I can say is that I'm me, mistakes and all.

2. I love being a mom, but I want a martini, or a mai tai...both?

3. I'm not a nice, sweet and glow-y pregnant woman anymore.

4. I like to dance to music from the 80's. And that could be why my son laughs at me...

5. My husband doesn't know about number 4.

6. He does now!

7. I spend way too much time on Facebook.


And now...J is awake...so this random post is done for now. I might write a 2nd part...or I might not. HA. 

My Dearest First Born,

It's been awhile since I've written to you.
I guess I just didn't know what to say...
Except.
I miss you, with every breath.
Sometimes I find it easier to 'forget' you, then remember.
Yet I never really forget...
How could I forget the first time I held you?
The first time I felt the Mama Bear instincts?
The day we got to take you home, the joy and relief we felt?
The long nights and days.
The bath time fun?
The smile that would stop time for it's duration?

My darling Michael...you are missed.
My dearest son, I have dreams of you and Jeremiah together, of you helping me change his diaper.
They are so real, that when I wake up, I look for you.
Then I remember.

I dream that you are always wanting to go outside...so we take a walk to Grandma's house. You talk her ear off. You play with her dog.
Then I wake up...and remember.

You. Are. Missed.

I love you still so very much.

But I want to thank you.
Thank you for being in my life.
For teaching me to give thanks in all areas.
Helping us to be better parents.
Showing us how important love and forgiveness is. (Although I'm still working on it!)
For teaching me to follow my instincts as a mother.
For being a gift that will always be precious.


Thank you Michael...

SIDS?! Why SIDS?

I hate, yes HATE that Michael's death certificate says, "SIDS" in the cause of death area.

SIDS, means nothing. It mean the Medical Examiner doesn't have a CLUE why our son died. That's real comforting...*note sarcasm. It means that we may never know what caused Michael to die.

Let me point a few things out:
Yes I know it wouldn't make a difference.
Yes I know that an actual reason may make it worse.
I KNOW.
BUT I feel like it would help with some sense of closure.
It just might help, or it might hurt.
But there it is...

To me...SIDS is so broad, so like a bottom-less pit to me. A catch all of, 'I don't know why, so here's an acronym to help you feel better'.

*sigh* Maybe I shouldn't blog anymore today...I'm just in a mood...


Hug your babies, embrace life. Don't fear it.

I'm out for today,

Peggy

Two Years and Grief

Two years. 

Today is two years. 

Let me tell you...it doesn't feel like two years. It feels like yesterday and yet...it feels like ten years.
Last night I had a hard time sleeping...I should have gotten up then to write this.

All I can think about is grief. What it's like, now that time has passed. Time helps soften the edge of grief, yet it's still there. Like a worn out old robe that you put on, only to remind yourself that it doesn't fit, you should get rid of it. But you forget...so it hangs around, waiting for the next moment you wrap yourself in it. Grief seems like it'll never go away. But it diminishes and only pops up here and there. It's a whole sight better than being engulfed, inflamed in it all day, for months. But it still hurts, when it pops up. That pang of memory, the sharp drawn in breath that YES, it can still hurt straight into your heart. I've forgotten the PAIN of grief...until recently. It's blessing that God has made those early days and weeks a blur. Truly it is, if it was that painful.

Many people tell me to not be sad, angry, etc. That they, Mickey and my Dad, wouldn't want me to be sad or upset. Well...this is where I'm going to beg to differ.

I have every right to be sad. To have down days, to be off every once in awhile. When you live life missing limbs, you have days that are worse than others. You have memories of that limb and can feel it...only to look and not see it. 

Being sad doesn't mean I don't have faith in God.

Being sad doesn't mean I think it will change anything.

Being sad MEANS I miss my son and father. 

Being sad means I have something to show them, tell them...and they aren't here. 

I think it's healthy to have those moments of sadness, grief, anger still...holding it in certainly isn't the best idea.

So when I have moments, humor me, love me, hold me, pray for me. Be happy that I am expressing emotions, even if they make you uncomfortable.

Today we celebrate our son going to Heaven. As we continue to educate ourselves and others about SIDS, we deal with what it means to have this diagnosis of un-diagnosis. It's beginning to get to me, that it was declared SIDS. My reasoning's can be a whole other post though. 

So today, this day that you set your clocks forward...kiss your family and friends. Make memories that will be cherished in later days. You really, truly never know what will happen next.


From our family,

Peggy

Then...

There are days that I catch myself being irritated that Jeremiah won't settle with someone else, that he prefers me. 

Then. 

Then I remind myself.

These days will pass. 

These days are priceless.

These days are meant to be remembered, memorized and held tenderly. 

These days go by fast, but sweetly. 

Then. 

Then I remind myself. 

Hold onto life. 

Make memories last.

Enjoy and embrace the hardships of being a mother. 

Never forget the feeling of loss and empty arms. 

Ever. 

Then.

Then I look down and see his sweet face smile in his sleep.

Then I look and see his wide open smile and laugh. 

Then...my heart clinches and pulls...this moment is cemented forever in my mind. 

Then...

Then I relax and enjoy the ride...

Jeremiah

Today we weighed Jeremiah...he now weighs more than Michael ever did. Not sure how I feel about that...I don't know if I want to dwell on that thought for long. But here's our little (big) 13 pound-er baby boy!

Isn't he the cutest?! Those eyes...those eyelashes?! Those expressions! Oh my...I love my son!

Angry

I interrupt the scheduled posts for an, I need to purge emotions post.

Disclaimer: It's going to be a raw post I think so if you don't want to read my feelings, then please just pray for me and stop here, thank you.

Anger.

Its one of the processes of grief that must be dealt with. But I've been holding back, clamping down on and stifling it. My anger scares me, I know how bad it can be. To lose control in a way that could hurt someone...to be so mad all you see is red (or black). I've only felt that way once in my life, and I've managed to keep it at bay since then.



But I can feel it...lurking. Waiting.

It's tentacles slowing wrapping around my heart, my mind and my mouth. I can feel the emotions rise at the drop of hat, over everyday things.  I jump down the throats of those I love.

I wanted to punch my car today.  Several times.

I wanted to ram my fist into a wall. Preferably brick so it would hurt more than the pain inside me did.

I just want my oldest son back and my Dad...I miss them so much.

I'm angry they aren't here.

I'm pissed I have to learn how to live without them.

I mad that I can't show them J, that we can't do stuff as a whole family.

I skivved that my Dad isn't here to be all heart-melty over J.

I'm angry.

And I'm scared.

I'm sad.

And I'm heart broken.

A New Year, A New Outlook

Last year this time, I was praying that 2011 would be a calmer year, less stressful on me and my loved ones.

The loss of my Dad blew that right out of the water. With his passing, it's been a rough year. I haven't blogged much about him, but I miss him just as much as I miss my son.

So for 2012?

I'm just going to say bring it on.

Batten down the hatches.

Hold on for dear life.

Que sera sera.

The Lord will strengthen me and mine.

We've got a few things on the horizon for 2012 that promise to make it another long and rough year. But we will make it, just as we've survived the past two years. By the grace of God!

We're blessed even through our losses, but sometimes I'd like to skip the loss, thankyouvermuch!

I'll be blogging more often, I hope! I have plans for our home and family, things that are worthy to share!

I'm looking forward to a new year! What are your thoughts about 2011 and the coming 2012??

In His Hands,

Peggy

I Remember Too

This week, a friend of mine is facing her 1 year heaven date for her little angel boy. In a month, another friend faces hers.  I remember how I felt when I faced mine, all those emotions you thought you'd dealt with, come rushing back. All the memories of how you found out, what you experiences, the smells, sounds, etc. As I remember with them, I ask that you keep these two wonderful ladies, mothers, in your thoughts and prayers. They need the little extra loving right now.



Be of good courage, And He shall strengthen your heart, All you who hope in the LORD. Psalms 31:24



My heart is heavy, but my spirit is hopeful. I know that the day will be hard, but I pray that it will also have a peace, a simpleness.

I'm at a loss for words right now, so I will leave this post simple in it's purpose.

Remember.

Pray.

Love.

Hope.

Peace.





Remembering with you,

Peggy

The Drive To Be a Perfect Parent: Part One - SIDS

Lets take a look at the American SIDS Institutes recommendations for reducing the risks of SIDS, then I'll explain the purpose of this post.

1. Place infants to sleep on their backs, even though they may sleep more soundly on their stomachs. Infants who sleep on their stomachs and sides have a much higher rate of SIDS than infants who sleep on their backs.

2. Place infants to sleep in a baby bed with a firm mattress. There should be nothing in the bed but the baby - no covers, no pillows, no bumper pads, no positioning devices and no toys. Soft mattresses and heavy covering are associated with the risk for SIDS.

3. Keep your baby’s crib in the parents’ room until the infant is at least 6 months of age. Studies clearly show that infants are safest when their beds are close to their mothers.

4. Do not place your baby to sleep in an adult bed. Typical adult beds are not safe for babies. Do not fall asleep with your baby on a couch or in a chair.

5. Do not over-clothe the infant while she sleeps. Just use enough clothes to keep the baby warm without having to use cover. Keep the room at a temperature that is comfortable for you. Overheating an infant may increase the risk for SIDS.

6. Avoid exposing the infant to tobacco smoke. Don't have your infant in the same house or car with someone who is smoking. The greater the exposure to tobacco smoke, the greater the risk of SIDS.

7. Breast-feed babies whenever possible. Breast milk decreases the occurrence of respiratory and gastrointestinal infections. Studies show that breast-fed babies have a lower SIDS rate than formula-fed babies do.

8. Avoid exposing the infant to people with respiratory infections. Avoid crowds. Carefully clean anything that comes in contact with the baby. Have people wash their hands before holding or playing with your baby. SIDS often occurs in association with relatively minor respiratory (mild cold) and gastrointestinal infections (vomiting and diarrhea).

9. Offer your baby a pacifier. Some studies have shown a lower rate of SIDS among babies who use pacifiers.

10. If your baby has periods of not breathing, going limp or turning blue, tell your pediatrician at once.

11. If your baby stops breathing or gags excessively after spitting up, discuss this with your pediatrician immediately.

12. Thoroughly discuss each of the above points with all caregivers. If you take your baby to daycare or leave him with a sitter, provide a copy of this list to them. Make sure they follow all recommendations.

*Emphasis is mine.

I want to discuss with you the current trends in parenting and how they relate to these recommendation. So lets break down the parts I highlighted.

- Sleeping on back - verse sleeping on the sides or tummy. I've been there. When the baby is crying and you've tried everything you can to get them comfortable to sleep. Including placing them on the sides, and the tummy. But if you choose do that, you should know, you've raised the risk for SIDS.

- Nothing in bed with baby- This includes all those pretty bed sets you just got at your baby shower. Those ones you've been drooling over and raving about. Yup, those ones. I know what you're thinking...'If they were that dangerous, they wouldn't be for sale.' But really, use your head on this one, they sale bleach and it's dangerous. They also sale rat poison, which is also dangerous. Don't count on the FDA, or other such organizations to keep you safe. Or your children, for that matter.

-Keep infant in parents room- "But I can't sleep, the baby keeps me up."  It's what they are supposed to do, its the instincts of a parent coming out in you. It's not something to be upset about, or feel righteous about either. How else are they going to get the nurturing, comfort and care they need? Oh, sure...you can have them in their own room. It's being done more and more these days. But have you noticed the interesting trend of parents not parenting and doing what they should? I have.

-Don't over cloth a baby for sleep- I know it's winter, and it's cold. You're chilled, so the baby should be too right? Well, in a way. A baby should only be clothed one layer more than Mom and Dad. One doesn't need a parka to sleep, my friends. :)

- Breastfeeding greatly reduces the risks of SIDS-  Oh, I know this is a huge topic for Mommy Wars, right here. But hear me out. Of all the recommendations, this one is the biggest reducer of SIDS. So wouldn't it make sense that you'd try your darnedest to accomplish this?

- Pacifier use- Pacifiers help the baby to stay in a state of sleep that isn't so deep that it can't awaken itself. There is some research in this vein to support this, as well as seeking to expound on the level of awakeness.

-Baby stops breathing, or starts gagging after eating- This reminds me of colic and my son. Always be attentive of your babies eating, swallowing and breathing. Any change is worthy of calling or going to his/her pediatrician.

I take away from this information this one basic thought. Don't be SO hands off that you don't notice the signs of danger, or the tale tale signs of failure to thrive. Don't leave the safety of your precious bundle of joy, to the wind. Educate yourself, be honest and take the advice of parents who've learned this before you. I wouldn't want anyone else to be a statistic like my husband, my son and I now are.

Above all, parents. Listen to your instincts as a mother or father. They ARE there for great reasons. To protect and nurture the child you've created together. Seek anything that allows you to know your child, care for your child. Lets' not be so clinical in our approach to their care. They have everything to lose if you do this. Loosing sleep is part of the job of being a parent. You don't want to end up one day experiencing something like SIDS, suffocation, detachment, and more.

What SIDS is NOT:

External suffocation, caused by vomiting and choking, contagious, cause pain or suffering, predicted, or new. Source.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this, so please leave them in the comments below the post! Thank you

Peggy

Other Sources:

Second Hand Smoke

Breastfeeding

Pacifiers