Why: A Loaded Question

Cancer.

Divorce.

Broken Promises.

Addiction.

Life long illnesses.

Abuse.

Death.

Hopelessness....

Why? 

We all ask ourselves why, when we hear of these thing, or they happen to us. 

Why?

Have you ever noticed it's a loaded question? We ask it with a set of preconceived notions, thoughts, ideas, desired outcomes. We, before even asking it, have set a certain type of answer as THE answer we'll accept. All other answers won't do. All other answers make us angry, hurt, confused, lost, makes the grief seem bigger.

Yet, when we limit the answers, we stand a strong chance of missing the best answer. HIS best answer for us. Oh, I can hear you now, "How is cancer what's BEST?" "How is my child's death, what's BEST?" "How is abuse the BEST?" I can understand these questions. Honestly, I can't fully answer them. Only God can, if He chooses so, answer those for you. 

When I faced my own "Why?" my answer back wasn't what I was looking for. Because I wanted my son back, nothing less would satisfy me. Through time, and continuing to ask questions, He brought me to a realization that bringing my son back wouldn't be the best, for him, for me, for our family. God's plan was BETTER without Michael in our lives, than what I had dared to dream, with Michael in it. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out how to process that thought. It doesn't seem logical, does it?

James 1:2-4

² Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials,  ³ knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. ⁴ And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

Perfect result. Yes...He says that. 

Romans 8:28-39

²⁸ And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; ³⁰ and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? ³² He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? ³³ Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; ³⁴ who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us. ³⁵ Who will separate us from the love of Christ? Will tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶ Just as it is written,

“For Your sake we are being put to death all day long;
We were considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

³⁷ But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, ³⁹ nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Reading all of that together makes my mind bend under the weight of trying to understand it and how it relates to me. He has brought me to this life, for His purpose. He's called me, justified me, and glorified me. Everything that life can throw at me, cannot separate me from Him, or His love. My doubts, my anger, my lack of understanding...nothing. 

God is the giver of every good and perfect thing from above (James 1:17). 

God works all things to our good. (Romans 8:28)
The testing of our faith produces endurance (James 1:3)

Linked up at:
 Better Mom Monday Link Up!

 

Women Living Well:Pre-Order!

Over on Women Living Well, Courtney is gearing up for the sale of her new book, Women Living Well.

And yours truly is on her launch team! I've been able to get an advance copy, and let me tell you...it's AMAZING. Monday I'll be giving a more in depth review but right now I just HAD to share the amazing deal Courtney's giving when you pre-order her book. :D

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If you purchase ONE copy of my book before September 30th, you will receive FREE the following 10-eBook bundle! 

1. Honoring the Rhythm of Rest by Daniele Evans at DomesticSerenity.org
2. Hope for the Weary Mom by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin at HopeForTheWearyMom.com
3. Take Courage (brand new release) by Jennifer Ebenhack at JenniferBenhack.com
4. Time Management 101 by Crystal Paine at MoneySavingMom
5. Taking Joy to Heart by Sally Clarkson at ITakeJoy.com
6. Outside the Zone by Rachel Wojnarowski at RachelWojo.com
7. Single Girl  by Ashley Schnarr at StayAtHomeDaughter.com
8. Healthy Ice Pops and Frozen Treats by Kelly Smith at TheNourishingHome.com
9. The Proverbs 31 Woman – One Virtue At a Time by (me) Courtney Joseph
10. A Companion Study Guide to the book Women Living Well- this can be used for your own individual study or grab a group of friends and use it as a group discussion guide!!!

In order to receive your FREE eBook bundle simply email a copy of your receipt to womenlivingwellbook@gmail.com Put in the subject “One book purchased”.  They will send you, via email, your free eBook bundle!!!




OH, and...you better hop on over to her blog, she's got even MORE deals and prizes, gifts for y'all! :D 


 

O Lord, God Of Truth

Psalms 31:1-5

1In You, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed;
In Your righteousness deliver me.
² Incline Your ear to me, rescue me quickly;
Be to me a rock of strength,
A stronghold to save me.
³ For You are my rock and my fortress;
For Your name’s sake You will lead me and guide me.
⁴ You will pull me out of the net which they have secretly laid for me,
For You are my strength.
⁵ Into Your hand I commit my spirit;
You have ransomed me, O Lord, God of truth.

Refuge, deliver me, rescue me, rock of strength, save me, my fortress, lead me and guide me, my strength, ransomed me...

Oh Abba Father, how precious those words are to me. I've held them tightly to my heart in times of deep lose and pain. Sometimes I didn't  understand them, or 'feel' them being true. But still I held on. 


I want to encourage you, my reader today. So many of you may be hurting, emotional, physically...spiritually.  Things may not make sense to you, you're confused or angry as to why it's happening. 

I urge you to keep pressing on. He will guide you, He is your strength, He is you refuge! He has told us this is so, so it is. Trust His words. Trust Him. 

Meet: Michael Parura

Do you ever feel like you've made a choice that will change you, open your eyes and do things to your life that you didn't expect?


I do. I am...


Today my husband came to me, and asked me if we could sponsor a child. A boy, who will soon be 5 years old. He shares his name of our first born and the birthday of our second born. It seems God-sent. I've been praying to sponsor a child for awhile now. Just waiting on God's timing, and my darlings heart to lead him there.




And today was the day. I'm so excited, and eager. Waiting 15 days to get Michael's informational packet from Compassion International seems like an eternity. I've already written a letter to him, letting him know how blessed we are to be HIS sponsors. That he is special to us, and we are praying for him.


We love him already...


Tonight, as I sit here reading up on Indonesia, I'm humbled. He lives in a poor area of the country, where the monthly income (when it comes) is $27. Thats it. Less than a dollar a day, to feed your family. And I had to toss out a head of cabbage this week, it had gone bad before we could eat it. How his family would have enjoyed to have it! It wouldn't have gone to waste there in his home.


Now it's more real, this vision of poverty. We have an adorable, handsome face to put to the circumstances of being poor. It isn't ambiguous anymore.


I WANT this to change me. I need it too. I want to show my children how INCREDIBLY blessed they are to live in this country. We do not know the meaning of poor, destitute, nor do we really know how hungry feels.


But I want to show them, I want to show myself. I want a heart for those who need a soft heart, I used to have it. I will find it once again.

Tonight my precious children born of me, go to bed with full bellies. And I wonder if the Michael of my heart is hungry tonight? He doesn't know his future will be changed, that there is a family that is eager to love on him, and share their lives with him. He doesn't know...I pray that God soothes his heart, and gives him peace. I pray that God comforts the hearts of his weary parents as well.

Oh, I'm so thankful tonight. For the countless blessings God's given us, so that we can bless others as well.

Michael Parura: You are loved, prayed for and thought of tonight. 

Sometimes I wonder what the Lord things of the riches of this country, and the poverty of others? It doesn't seem fair, that those who would be humbled the most, have the least. 

Lord, guide the hearts of those who need to hear this. I pray they step in faith, and share of the bread of their tables to those who desperately need it. 

Dear Mr. President, Take Two

Dear Mr. President,

It's no secret that our politics and beliefs don't line up. But I'm writing you today, in light of the Syrian issues. You, Sir, are stuck between a rock and a hard place. Because of the unrest, and deaths in Syria, you've made a stand.

It's not a secret that us Americans are tired of the wars in Iraq, and Afghanistan. We'd be wary, and dis-interested in another war, in the Middle east. A war that would more than likely be similar, to such wars as Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan. We'd think we're helping, but the whole country is so ingrained in their religion and it being their law as well...nothing we do, or introduce would help.

Congress has already told you that they wouldn't be very willing to step into the Syrian fray, and if you exercised your executive order, you may very well face a home war of some sort.

A rock, and a hard place.

I would not want to be in your shoes. I don't know the wisest course of action, not being privy to the news that you should be. So I'll pray for you. And for our country, and Syria...anyone involved in this. That the Lord guides you all, in the way it should be.

I pray for you, that though you may not be who I'd want in leadership, that you thoughtfully consider all of the options available to us, and make the wisest choice. Any choice is one that has pro's and con's. Any choice would be difficult to make. It's not just a choice...it's a life or death one, and having to face that is not something that is easy.

I pray, that the Lords hand moves and does as He needs too, and that you, Sir, do what He calls you to do.

Sincerely,

Peggy

#Amazed And Committed

Job 2:9-10

⁹ Then his wife said to him, “Do you still persist in your integrity? Curse God, and die.” ¹⁰ But he said to her, “You speak as any foolish woman would speak. Shall we receive the good at the hand of God, and not receive the bad?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

As I sit here, praying about what to write, thinking that this should have been done a few days ago...I think about what a few people have said in the last few years.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is there suffering in this world?

Shortly after Michael passed away, I read through Job. What a book, eh? He lost everything, and suffered such torment physically. EVERYONE in his life told him to curse God, to give up his faith in God, that GOD was cursing him, etc. Yet Job remained faithful to his God...the God he knew...better than they did, it seems.

I'm glad I read Job when I did...it helped me to see things in a better perspective, I think.

Now, when I read the above verses, I try to see how it applies to me now. To see what new thing He has to show me.
It reminds me to stand fast, hold onto my integrity, and knowledge of God.
To not be like the other foolish women, who sit and worry over a topic to death. (I've never done that, btw.)
To know without a doubt that all thing, ALL THINGS, work to the benefit of God, and ourselves.

That though something may seem bad, and be bad, in that moment: That in the end, a better more perfect circumstance will arise.

One that has been hand crafted, lovingly created, and thoughtfully arranged for me, by my Heavenly Father. That thought is priceless to me. #Amazed and totally humbled by it.

I've walked through a lot in the last few years, and God knows what I'll walk through in the next. No matter what happens...I want to be committed, 100% without reservations, to my Redeemer, my Comforter. Wholly committed to His plans, not my own. Having tasted loss, and pain, grief and anger before, though it at times scares me now, I KNOW that He will carry me, provide for me, and ultimately, give me a better understanding of Him, give me His peace, and give me more faith in Him.

I can't deny that sometimes I catch myself saying, what else is in Your plans for me, Abba? What can I do, to gain more faith?

Is there something that you've been hearing God ask of you, something you may need to let go of? And you haven't? If not, I invite you to pray about it, and release it to Him tonight. And to share, if you can, with me.

Linked up at:

Fear Causes Ugliness

This week I realized my journal-ing was very, blah. Something was missing, and He knew what it was.

 It was my full heart. The full truth.

 I was keeping back the part that some might say was the uglier side of me. Those thoughts that I didn't want anyone to read, let alone know about me! But here He was...pointing it out to me, in black and white. He even showed me that most of the time, my prayers were like that too! Dry, very ho-hum. Not fully vested in Him, or fully truthful! OH how humbling that is, to see that face-to-face. (Or rather, face to written word) So I stopped my train of thought in it's tracks, and said okay, here goes!

I'm doing a study that challenges the reader to say yes to God. Fully, 100%, yes. To count and know the cost. Well guess what...I THOUGHT I had counted the cost and said yes. But a little dark fear still held on tightly, refusing to be shaken loose.

I am scared of the cost of fully saying yes, I know that I fear more of what I SEE, more than I fear HIM. Whom I can't see. I fear losing my kids, or my husband, I fear death for them, but I don't fear HIM enough for their salvation, to follow Him at all costs. 

That is very humiliating to see written down. 

I don't want this fear, this selfishness. I want to see my parents, my husband and our children and their families by my side in heaven, worshiping Him with our whole hearts. I dream of it, and I can almost hear it. I want to know I'd been faithful at all costs, to stand before Him and say, yes I feared, but I chose to fear YOU instead, and look at the blessings You've given me in return!

Deut 6:5 says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your mind and with all your might.”

He doesn't say, whenever life is easy, love Me. He doesn't say, whenever life is XYZ, love me. He says WHATEVER is happening, WHATEVER WILL happen, LOVE Me. With ALL of you. No little piece tucked away, in fear. No holding back. Fully committed to Him, just as He is to me. Again, humble moment.

Oh, how my soul fears the pain that will come, might come. How quickly I remember the pain, but how quickly I forget that He provided peace, unbelievable peace, and hope.

Lord, I am on my knees asking You, pleading with You, to help me to remember the peace and not the pain. To remember the hope and not the fear. To remember YOU, and not the circumstances. For in You all things ARE. Thank You, for then, for now, and for the future. Amen

Linked up over at Intentional By Grace, Fellowship Fridays #51

Casting The First Stone

I don't want to tell this story. I don't want you to think I'm a liar. Or a hypocrite. Here I am, talking about biblical marriage, and seeking to walk in a Christ centered relationship with my husband...and I'm a hypocrite. 

But I feel this tug, this gentle yanking on my heart to share this. To finally share, and place it at His feet. To chip off my shame, and let Him heal the part of our marriage that I try to hide.

You see...when my husband and I met, he was married. I wish I could sit here and tell you all the circumstances in his past relationship, to make myself look better. But I can't. I won't. 

 

I did the un-thinkable...the thing which many women hate. 

I stepped between a man and his wife. To this day I feel such shame, and anguish over this. I KNOW what I stepped into...and that makes it tougher for me. I have been holding onto the shame and guilt since...sometimes I wonder if Michaels death is His punishment for this action. Though I know that God doesn't work that way...it's hard not to think it.

I feel very strongly about marriage, even before my own, I knew what I wasn't going to do...yet I did it.

I was 'the other women' The woman scorned and shamed among other women. The one looked down on, and despised. The one left out and banished..I am her.

I feel like all my striving today in my marriage is to make up for the one I ruined. I get scared sometimes, that my husband will walk away from me. Why not, he did it with me? Those insidious whispers lie into my ears.

I've had ladies tune me out, the minute they hear about this...any advice I give is instantly not acceptable, or valid. But you see, I know what 'she' feels...the shame and sorrow that separates her from regular married women. Something about my story makes me ill equipt to speak about marriage, to their way of thinking.

But don't you SEE?! 

I did it ALL wrong...and I can see now WHY it should be done HIS way...and not lead by the lusts of flesh, and the sins of immorality. I long to share with you, why I think that one should wait until our Abba brings our right partner into our lives. I wish I could tell you why I strive and seek to be the godly wife He calls me to be. Because I did it WRONG. And now I want to it RIGHT.

I want to tell you my story...but I fear to lose your friendship. My heart yearns for truth, and the ability to speak out. To speak with knowledge of the 'dark side'. But I fear you'll shut me out. Don't you see, that I can speak from a place of knowledge, of the rocky path that leads to sinning, and lusts of the heart? I've been there, I know what those innocent flirtations, and intimate settings can lead too. Don't you know, that I long to help YOU live in a Godly, righteous marriage, so that what I did, can't be done to your relationship?!

Believe me when I say, no one judges me in this, harsher than I judge myself. I've held onto this judgment so tightly, and for so long, that I don't know where to let go first...I don't know from where it needs prying loose first.

My soul longs for peace and healing, but my mind and heart tell me I'm not worthy of it. I hear such ugly taunts in my head. 

Shameful woman.

Ugly. 

Evil. 

Not redeemable. 

Liar. 

Unforgiveable. 

I want someone to come up to me, and hold me. Telling me I'm lovable anyways. That I'm worthy, anyways. That I'm worth saving, in spite of this.

And He has. Many times. Though I haven't believed it. I LONG to believe it...but those whispers again...

Oh Abba...my heart is breaking right now. I'm so ashamed and I've held this for so long... I don't know what to do with it. I don't know how to let go. Please help me...I'm so tired of this burden. This lie...This shame. Take it from me...help me to let go.

Amen 

To be continued...


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Texas: Say WHAT?!

Written for P31 Blog Hop Thursday's for the Online Bible Study of "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God?" Lysa TerKeurst. 

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If someone had told me, in April, that we'd be loading up a truck, and moving our family to Texas the following month, I'd have laughed at them. Crazy talk...my #SayWhat moment. When we told people, some of them thought we were crazy. Some family even thought so. To the outside world, I'm sure it was very crazy, us moving with two small children, with nothing planned out. So radical.

Yet, that's what we did. We had no money to move, no place to move into, and no moving truck to get us there. 

Yet, God opened the door for my husbands job. He slowly, steadily opened doors for the moving truck, for the funds to get us here. And still, no house to live in once we got here. 

Many people seemed to delight in telling us that there would be NOTHING for us, in the price range we sought after. This are is experiencing an oil and construction industry boom. So housing costs are high, and supply is low. But here is where He called us. So we kept clinging to Him, and though at times it seemed we'd never find a place, after all, how many 'No, we have nothing available" can you hear, before you easily become defeated in spirit?? Yet...we kept reminding each other, He called us here. He will provide. 

One WEEK after we moved here, God brought us home. This home is a gift, and a blessing. It means more to us, than most other places we've live in. (possible exclusion of my parents home, as it was our shelter from the world after our son passed away) This home isn't just a house, it's a place were love grows, family bonds and memories are made. It's a home that seeks to honor, obey and praise God Almighty. It's not a perfect home, tempers flare, attitudes insist...but it's a HOME. It's HIS home for us.

We still have things that need to be accomplished, like me finally getting my Texas drivers license, registering the car and transferring insurance from AZ to TX. Those are financially near to impossible for us, but we are looking to God to help us. 

This move, though radical and far from what we'd planned for this year, has brought us closer to Him, to each other and has blessed us greatly. 

Being obedient usually means taking one out of their comfort zone, and into a situation that leaves room for growth through trials. That is without a doubt, what's happened to us here. It seems every year, something happens, to shake us up, and remind us Who is God. 

What's your Say What moments? Have you obeyed Him in a way that others think is radical??

Linked up at:
 Fellowship Fridays

AND:

- See more at: http://christianmommyblogger.com/fellowship-fridays-50/#sthash.KgAix8bE.dpuf

- See more at: http://christianmommyblogger.com/fellowship-fridays-50/#sthash.KgAix8bE.dpuf

- See more at: http://christianmommyblogger.com/fellowship-fridays-50/#sthash.KgAix8bE.dpuf

Inter-Ballistic Missiles And Trials

James 1:2-4

“Consider is a joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have it's perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” (see also 1 Peter 1:6-7 and Colossians 4:12)

Perfect – mature, finished results, completed.

Endurance – steadfastness, patience, enduring, waiting.

Trials – temptations, afflictions, trouble.

Result – work, labor, deed, undertaking.

Joy – gladness, joyful.

I'm very blessed, even in the deepest trails that threaten to overwhelm me and seem impossible. NOTHING is impossible for You, my King. (Matt 19:26)

I can walk, crawl, or just be on my knees, praising You no matter my outside OR inside turmoil. You are there. (Rom 8:35-39)

There are times that it seems that You're not there. I can look back and see when I thought You'd stepped back. During the last week of my Dads life, I remembering praying with great passion for him to be okay. For him to meet his grand-baby growing within me. I also didn't want to lose him, because I was/am a Daddy's girl...I'd finally tasted the pure joy of having a wonderful, beautiful relationship with my Dad. After years of heartache, and hurtful words, and distance, God blessed us with a bond and connection that nothing could shake. Those days there were plenty of trials, from my young perspective and from his, I'm sure. But with a steadfastness that still boggles my mind, my heart cried out for the love and affection of my Dad. So I pursued, with hugs, “I love you's”, smiles, and ready forgiveness.

But now I see Your silent working and still presence at work in my life. I can see now, the lessons in that early life experience. Now, instead of pursuing my earthly Dad, I need to pursue my Heavenly Father, my Abba. I need to find that steadfastness, that overlooks the roadblocks, dips, sharp turns, sudden ambushes and inter-ballistic missiles, that would seek to distract me from Him. It will not be easy, and James does a good job of making sure we know that. 

It's going to take work, LABOR. 

Any mother knows that labor is hard. It can be long or short, but it's still hard, painful at times, and takes great patience to endure it. Yet through that, we see growth, we mature a little more, with each day walking with Him. With each trail we face, with each choice in waiting for Him, we gain a little more faith, a little more joy, a little more hope.

Thank you for then, and for now. I'm not worthy of being chosen, but here I am, in your presence and praising you with me voice and life. 

My redeemer and salvation lives!

Have there been times in your life that those trails seemed to hard to get through? 

Are you enduring right now, my friend?

Answered Prayer

I love when the Lord answers the deep prayers of my heart, the anguish that goes unspoken.

A friend posted a blog, titled, Small Family, Large Family, or God's Family? (You can find it here)

Cindy writes, " If I had no kids, Jesus would still be my Lord and my God. If I have a dozen more (oh, my), Jesus will still be my purpose."

And I felt the tears well up. 

Oh Lord, how sweet it is, to know You cared enough to make this post come across my lap this morning. Throughout her post, Cindy keeps pointing back to Christ. To her relationship with Christ being the focus, not the number count of children she has. She has so many excellent points, but the one that hit home with me, was hearing Christ tell me to focus on Him, lean into Him and the regrets and desires will be taken care of.  I am thankful for the love poured out on me, and accepting what is. Content with the two wild children I have playing at my feet. I know should He want to bless us with more, we wouldn't turn away from it. I know now, that He is up to snuff on the doings in my family, much more than I am. 

Here I am, Lord...loving you, and learning to look to you, in all things.

Are You Listening?

Listen oh you people!

Give heed to my words, your sins have made you wicked and vile. 

Repent and return to the Almighty God.

Immorality has brought this nation low and perverts the lives of many. Right is wrong and wrong is right.

Only the Lord of Lords is the one who can save you from eternal death in hell. Nothing on the earth can or will save you. The enemy ensnares your soul with lies and promises he can't keep. 

Repent and return! For the kingdom of God is near. 

My heart is heavy and my soul cries out to You oh God. How long shall You let Your grafted in branches muddy Your name? Rise up my God and King, and show Yourself and Your glory!

Bring justice to the poor, widowed, and unborn/born children. 

This world groans with the weight of her sins. How long oh Lord of Hosts, before you take me from this place of pain and suffering?

How long must your children suffer and the world mock You, before you take your place?

Oh God...when will I see my Redeemer come for me? I long to be taken from here and from the wickedness and injustice. 

Hear me Abba! Please come soon, the world is perishing and waiting for You to save her. 

You hear my cry at night and by day. You hear and save me. Praise Your holy name for Your faithfulness and justice. 

Amen.

Ref:

Ps 4:2

Rom 6:23

Rom 8:6, 13

Rom 9

Rom 8:19-22

Rom 8:23

Agape Love

What is it that holds me back? Why do I feel the need to be bold, and speak the truth, but I'm wimp out? I wonder if I can speak with love, and honesty. I don't know how that looks, most of the time.

I fear getting it wrong

 I fear turning someone away from God and not too Him. I don't want that responsibility. But here I am, the need and desire thing again.

 I want to speak frankly with you. 

I'm not the best at saying things in a loving manner. I'm straight forward, yes...but the loving tone can get lost in translation. Which makes me sad.

Because He is softening my heart, daily. Pressing on me the need to show His version of love, not my own, or this worlds. His version of love....Agape. It's a Greek word, meaning affection, good will, benevolence. It is 'the' thing we must aspire too, as believers. (1Cor 13:13) Having faith and hope isn't enough, if I don't have love as well. Being bold? Gets me no where I don't have love.

There are people who are hard to love, but I believe that in loving them, His glory and love shines through the most. Everyone can love the lovable. But the unlovable? The enemy? Those are the ones who need His love the most. (Prov 24:17-18)

I don't know where this leads towards boldness...maybe once I understand the humility of heart that is needed to love my enemy or the poor in spirit, and low in the world...maybe then I can understand how boldness working into this. I'm not there yet...but I know He is leading me there.



Do you know how to reconcile boldness with love? If so, I'd love to hear about how it is for you. Please share in the comments. 

Adoption Is Possible

A posted a week ago, or so, about mourning the choice to get my tubes tied. I still face the emotions of that choice. And while I understand that I'm forgiven of this, since I didn't seek God's will, I still feel...saddened.
Again, I read a story of a couple who can't have children, and here I am, someone who choose to take that option away from myself, and from our family. If I had prayed, and felt God's peace in the choice, I believe I would be more at peace over this.

 It wouldn't be haunting me as it is. 

Oh, I know I shouldn't beat myself up, there's nothing to be done about it now. Try telling that to my heart. It seems she's only recently learned that she cannot have more children. And she aches for that loss. 

I've been asked about adoption, since that post. More and more, adoption is on my heart. I've always flippantly said I'd want to adopt, siblings I said. Not babies. I want the 'unwanted of the unwanted'. And oh that hurts my heart. My heart hurts for children I haven't met, who might ever possibly thing they are unwanted. Literally, tears are falling from my eyes, and my heart is clinching. I can't imagine my children thinking such a thing, and to know there are children out there who think that...who believe it? Oh, Lord...how I long to hold them, and love them. To show them, that YES YOU ARE LOVED AND WANTED. Oh precious child(ren), you are loved. 

Then my thoughts flit to...aren't we adopted children of the Most High? Oh, how His heart must ache for those who think they are unwanted, and believe it. And my heart aches once more. 

Lord, your will is all I want in my life, and I am sorry that I didn't seek it before making the choice to alter our ability to have more children. I believe and understand children to be a blessing, and not a curse in my life. Please forgive me, and the fear the lead my choices. Whatever your will is, lead me now in the way of it. Amen.

God is The Ultimate

I've been going through an old study, once again. "Lord, I Want To Know You" by Kay Arthur. It takes you through the names of God, and what they show of His character. Names used to be a huge deal, and they would tell others something about you.

For example

Abram meant High Father, and when God changed it to Abraham, it meant Father of Nations. That was Gods promise to the man, not only through a covenant, but through the name as well. Other example's are Jacob to Israel, Simon to Peter, Saul to Paul. The name told others who knew the meaning, what this person was like. Who this person was. It's no less with Our Father.

I love this study.

 There is something special about knowing Him through His chosen names, to see the big picture of who He is, the promise that is who His is. One could study just His names for an entire lifetime, and still not fully comprehend the magnitude of this King of kings and Lord of lords.

The first name covered is Elohim, The Creator. It's fitting, the first name He gives of himself, is Creator. He doesn't want to leave any doubt as to where we came from, and to whom to seek out when the world threatens to overwhelm us. It's natural for us to wonder where we came from, why we are here, what is our individual purpose.

Isaiah 43: 1, 3-4, 7 tells us we're created for His glory! What is glory? In these verses its kabowd (Hebrew), meaning: abundance, honor, dignity, reputation. Also, to give the correct opinion or estimate of. So, for His glory, means we are give the correct estimate of Him, to reflect Him in this world. Talk about heavy, when I read that!

In Revelations 4:11, He says He created us because of His will. For His pleasure.

So we are here, for His glory, and His pleasure. To bring Him glory and pleasure. He choose us, created us, brought us here, for these times, and in these situations. Because it pleased Him.

If I remember nothing else about Elohim, it's this: I am here because my Creator wanted me to be, for His glory and pleasure.  I am a wife, because it pleases Him. I am a mother, because it pleases Him. Our first child went to heaven, because it brought Him glory. I get on my knees and plead my heart out to Him, because it pleases Him to hear it. 

Trying Something

I usually post my new entries on Facebook. Since I know that many do not follow my blog, that's usually why I do it. 

But no more. 

I will continue to write as He leads me, and I'm still seeing that unfold a little at a time. I don't fully see the direction yet, but I'm beginning too. And this step, of not posting to Facebook, is one among many. This is a little...scary. And I have to say, humbling. I love feedback, who doesn't? But doing it this way, as of right now, my feedback will be very rare. 

So this is where I trust God, and write to Him. After all, His feedback is THE most important, right? :)

One Day Without Facebook

Going without Facebook for 11-12 hours today, I learned a few things. Okay, well many more than a few, but I'm just going to share a few. ;)

1) There IS life outside of Facebook.
2) Household duties get accomplished.
3) Spending time on the floor with your kids is lots of fun.
4) Reading an actual book is lovely.
5) Spending approximately 4 hours studying the Bible is awesome.(This I KNOW will not happen often!)
6) Though I wanted to log on, and post my thoughts on what I was reading, I didn't. It 'forced' me to talk them out with God, and journal them.
7) The lack of distractions was very nice. 
8) I found many of my 'old' bible studies, and found that some of them needed finishing. I know what I'll be doing.
9) Spending time with ones own thoughts, instead of just spewing them out for people to read, does good things in the way of naturally editing them. ;)
10) I missed FB. The validation, the agreement, the 'risk' of disagreement. The attention. But I also..didn't miss it after awhile. If that makes sense. 


As you know, I've been rethinking a lot of things. Trying to make simple a focus. Cutting out what distracts me from God, my family...my home. (who are really the same thing, ya know.) Last night, while reading the book, "Seven" I felt the desire to skip Facebook for today. So I did. I only told my Mom and a good friend. I've noticed that I LOVE to announce grand schemes to the world, and not follow through. So instead...I've been trying out something new.

Tell y'all AFTER I've done what I feel led to do. So far, it seems to be fairing better. :) 


On another note, something else I read today...

In "Desperate", written by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson, Sally writes, "We are living in an isolationist culture today and have become accustomed to lonely living that God never intended us to experience. I often felt the keen sting of modern culture's unfamiliar and hostile isolation." (page 19)

She goes on to explain that we are built and made for community, daily interactions with others, building relations face-to-face. In today's society, we are growing farther away from this, and closer to the rude, evasiveness of social media. I know that I myself have fallen prey to this, time and time again. The lure of the masses, but online. Mob mentality...on the interweb. It's a real thing.

So, in an effort to break with the norm, today has been about living with my family, not ignoring them. And ignoring I did. This makes me sad. I have used the computer as a means to escape my family, my home, my thoughts. I use it to invade others spaces, albeit they do the same. Invade seems bad, but really...consider how much we put out there now? What you reveal in those innocent pictures, posts, comments, likes, searches...it speaks volumes. Do you ever wonder what it says about you? About the state of your heart?
I didn't. But I do now.

Fully Discloser

In the effort to be honest, and transparent, I confess/admit to the following. 

The books that got deleted were romance books. Historical romance, vampire romance, etc. Not only are there multiple sex scenes to read but there's the relationship that seems okay. Seems perfect. But in reality, it's very far from what an honest, true relationship, a GODLY one, should look like. Not only does it set my heart up for pain if my husband doesn't 'perform' to the male characters standards, it also steals my heart from my husband. If I am thinking why isn't Mr. S doing XYZ, and I get upset with him, grumbling, etc...isn't that turning my heart from him? I think so. So no more...my heart belongs first to the Lord, and secondly to my husband, and I must guard it.*I also include christian romance novels, though I may have some disagree with me on this, for myself just reading christian romance opens the door to the other romances. Also, think about this...our romance is individual, amazing, and God planned to the last hair. Why would we want to compare or dream of something mediocre in it's place? Just my two cents worth.

The music I listen too is not just words, it's words of lust, distraction and lies. I should only be listening to words that edify the Lord, honoring Him in their truth. Music is lovely, and has a strong effect on me and my mind. Why do I allow it to come into my head, and make me take my eyes from the Lord? I shouldn't...so some of it...has to go.

The movies/TV I watch indulge the sinful nature with more and more impurity. The things I watch, stay with me forever. I have allowed certain movies and programs into my home, that I shouldn't have. They demean women, and men, they mock the Word of God in their blatant sin. I don't need reminders how far this world has fallen. I don't need to see the sin first hand. Mostly, my children don't need to see it either. I'm saddened to admit that I'd become caught up in the shows like Mistress, The Vampire Diaries, and many other 'reality tv' shows...I don't need to see that.

I know more will change, I already feel the prompting, and seek to follow it.  I'm nervous, somewhat resistant about some things, to be honest. But I know that the 'pain' of giving up the sinful will pale in comparison to the relationship that will continue to blossom between myself and the Lord, and Mr. S and I.

Stay tuned...I'm sure more will come! ;)

Morning Thoughts: Government Scandals

Sometimes, I think the most in the morning. This...was this morning. 


Government scandals, when will it end?
My guess is that it'll just continue to get worse.

Why?
The truth? Because as a nation we have agreed to things, allowed things to happen or worsen in the name of progress, equality and betterment, that are a direct offense to Gods Word.

Everything is unstable, I worry all the time!
Why? The Lord tells us 356 times to not fear. I think He knew/knows we can fear too easily.

Where is God's protection? Why is He allowing things to happen to us?

Because believers have gotten lazy, here. Believers had widely dropped the ball, becoming comfortable in their little worlds, forgetting the power and majesty of the King of Kings they serve. Fellow believers, if WE have gotten lazy, and WE have forgotten His power and character, why then are we surprised that unbelievers have/do as well? WHY are we surprised that His favor has eased, and now we are experiencing His reprimands? America is not special, we aren't Israel...

What do we do now? The government is lying to us, there's more and more disasters, there's XYZ, happening!
We humble ourselves before Him. Daily. Hourly. We remember that life is but a breath, and He is Sovereign. He is just.

A Change....

First of all, you'll notice a change. While it's a reflection of what's been going on in my heart, the content of the blog will not really change. I've been praying off and on, between the crying, fussing, tantrums and housework, and life...to understand just where this blog has a place, if indeed it does still have one.

And it does. But I won't make any plans for scheduling posts, or trying to define the 'niche' it belongs in, or placing bigger expectations on myself to write often.

No...indeed, this blog will be the way I express my thoughts, my inspirations...my life. As I can, when I can.
No more guilt, no more being overwhelmed.
This will become my place to refocus thoughts, speak about what matters to me, share what I've found in His word, share daily life with two under two, etc...I think you get the idea.


Luke 10:26-28 (NASB)

26 And He said to him, “What is written in the Law? How does it read to you?” 27 And he answered, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength, and with all your mind; and your neighbor as yourself.” 28 And He said to him, “You have answered correctly; do this and you will live.”


So, although I desire to write with more frequency, it is not to be at this season of my life. My husband, and my babies are my focus, as well as leaning deeper into Him, and some days, just holding on so I don't go under.