Life Interrupted: Beauty From Ashes

I've shared the story many times already, but it's still one of the biggest life changing and life challenging moments to date.  And sometimes I still can't see the whole picture of it, the 'good' in it. 

In 2010, after our 5 month old son left this earth, our lives were broken beyond recognition. I was hurt, overwhelmed with a grief so heavy, I thought I'd never get out from under it. I was angry. Confused. I thought surely, this was His punishment, for the sin we'd committed in being together while he was still married.

But one thing I knew...I would still choose Christ. 

As I struggled with the pain, and loss, I began blogging through it. In a hurry to get it all down, so I could remember what he smelled like, sounded like, how he smiled. And with each memory being put down, I ached for the ones that wouldn't replace them. The first time he spoke. The first steps. The first day of school. I would miss those firsts...and it hurt!

But one thing I knew...I would still choose Christ. 

In writing those memories down, it was like I was wrapping them gently, and placing them at the foot of the cross. I was giving them to Christ...and though at times it hurt, and some memories took me longer to let go of...I still choose Christ.

Now...I can see some of the beauty from those ashes. The bonds of marriage have become stronger, move focused on Him. The children we've been blessed with since, are a joy, unexplainable. My husband has come to know Christ more, and see Him more...trust Him more.

Yes, our lives were interrupted. But what a glorious legacy, from that interruption. 

I've had some ask me, if I want Michael back. Part of me will ALWAYS want him back.  But the greater part of me is at peace that this is how it's meant to be. If this has been God's plan for us, then I wouldn't change it. For there is a purpose in all things, and He will use it for our good.

If I confess of the mouth, then the walk and heart must follow. I can't pick and choose what I believe about Him, because something may hurt, or be more than I can bare. I must choose Christ..in ALL things. 

Linked up today over at:

Trust and Faith, They Go Together Like A Horse and Carriage

Proverbs has so much good stuff it's hard to pick sometimes. But all of the Word is for instruction and wisdom for those who seek it. Gaining control of the mouth is by far, one of the hardest things, but don't forget that the words of the mouth begin in the heart and that is where God does His best work. And His work in secret shows in daily actions and words to those we love the most.

Only the daily, hourly seeking of Christ will affect the change I so desire in my heart and there fore actions and words. But I'll never be perfect this side of heaven.

Do my prayers show my trust and faith in You? 

Do I just pray for the surface, expected prayers? 

Should I be praying more, differently, deer, wider? 

Help me see that, Father. I want my thoughts, heart and prayers to reflect a heart sold out to You, a faith deeply seated on Your foundation, a trust so deep that nothing can shake it.

I'm glad I've owned sheep, and am now a mother. I have an idea of what patience, understanding and long suffering You must have. I also can see the importance of discipline and instructions. Without those, we would run a muck from an early age, to our own destruction.

I also have some idea as to the depth for Your love, and pain for Your children. Those found and those lost. How deep Your heart must ache for those lost. I am sorry that I've treated the lost so lightly, not knowing how deep Your pain for them must be. You've given the lost of the world to the found, to serve, love, pray for, become friends and/or family with. To show them the scope of Your love and desire for them. 

OH, Abba, how much You love them! It seems impossible, but You are able to do anything for anyone. So not so impossible afterall...increase in me, a servants heart, so that I may bring to those the truth of Your word, as You want me too. 

#Amazed And Committed

Job 2:9-10

⁹ Then his wife said to him, “Do you still persist in your integrity? Curse God, and die.” ¹⁰ But he said to her, “You speak as any foolish woman would speak. Shall we receive the good at the hand of God, and not receive the bad?” In all this Job did not sin with his lips.

As I sit here, praying about what to write, thinking that this should have been done a few days ago...I think about what a few people have said in the last few years.

Why do bad things happen to good people? Why is there suffering in this world?

Shortly after Michael passed away, I read through Job. What a book, eh? He lost everything, and suffered such torment physically. EVERYONE in his life told him to curse God, to give up his faith in God, that GOD was cursing him, etc. Yet Job remained faithful to his God...the God he knew...better than they did, it seems.

I'm glad I read Job when I did...it helped me to see things in a better perspective, I think.

Now, when I read the above verses, I try to see how it applies to me now. To see what new thing He has to show me.
It reminds me to stand fast, hold onto my integrity, and knowledge of God.
To not be like the other foolish women, who sit and worry over a topic to death. (I've never done that, btw.)
To know without a doubt that all thing, ALL THINGS, work to the benefit of God, and ourselves.

That though something may seem bad, and be bad, in that moment: That in the end, a better more perfect circumstance will arise.

One that has been hand crafted, lovingly created, and thoughtfully arranged for me, by my Heavenly Father. That thought is priceless to me. #Amazed and totally humbled by it.

I've walked through a lot in the last few years, and God knows what I'll walk through in the next. No matter what happens...I want to be committed, 100% without reservations, to my Redeemer, my Comforter. Wholly committed to His plans, not my own. Having tasted loss, and pain, grief and anger before, though it at times scares me now, I KNOW that He will carry me, provide for me, and ultimately, give me a better understanding of Him, give me His peace, and give me more faith in Him.

I can't deny that sometimes I catch myself saying, what else is in Your plans for me, Abba? What can I do, to gain more faith?

Is there something that you've been hearing God ask of you, something you may need to let go of? And you haven't? If not, I invite you to pray about it, and release it to Him tonight. And to share, if you can, with me.

Linked up at:

Texas: Say WHAT?!

Written for P31 Blog Hop Thursday's for the Online Bible Study of "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God?" Lysa TerKeurst. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If someone had told me, in April, that we'd be loading up a truck, and moving our family to Texas the following month, I'd have laughed at them. Crazy talk...my #SayWhat moment. When we told people, some of them thought we were crazy. Some family even thought so. To the outside world, I'm sure it was very crazy, us moving with two small children, with nothing planned out. So radical.

Yet, that's what we did. We had no money to move, no place to move into, and no moving truck to get us there. 

Yet, God opened the door for my husbands job. He slowly, steadily opened doors for the moving truck, for the funds to get us here. And still, no house to live in once we got here. 

Many people seemed to delight in telling us that there would be NOTHING for us, in the price range we sought after. This are is experiencing an oil and construction industry boom. So housing costs are high, and supply is low. But here is where He called us. So we kept clinging to Him, and though at times it seemed we'd never find a place, after all, how many 'No, we have nothing available" can you hear, before you easily become defeated in spirit?? Yet...we kept reminding each other, He called us here. He will provide. 

One WEEK after we moved here, God brought us home. This home is a gift, and a blessing. It means more to us, than most other places we've live in. (possible exclusion of my parents home, as it was our shelter from the world after our son passed away) This home isn't just a house, it's a place were love grows, family bonds and memories are made. It's a home that seeks to honor, obey and praise God Almighty. It's not a perfect home, tempers flare, attitudes insist...but it's a HOME. It's HIS home for us.

We still have things that need to be accomplished, like me finally getting my Texas drivers license, registering the car and transferring insurance from AZ to TX. Those are financially near to impossible for us, but we are looking to God to help us. 

This move, though radical and far from what we'd planned for this year, has brought us closer to Him, to each other and has blessed us greatly. 

Being obedient usually means taking one out of their comfort zone, and into a situation that leaves room for growth through trials. That is without a doubt, what's happened to us here. It seems every year, something happens, to shake us up, and remind us Who is God. 

What's your Say What moments? Have you obeyed Him in a way that others think is radical??

Linked up at:
 Fellowship Fridays

AND:

- See more at: http://christianmommyblogger.com/fellowship-fridays-50/#sthash.KgAix8bE.dpuf

- See more at: http://christianmommyblogger.com/fellowship-fridays-50/#sthash.KgAix8bE.dpuf

- See more at: http://christianmommyblogger.com/fellowship-fridays-50/#sthash.KgAix8bE.dpuf

A Soul Longing For More

In The Middle of the Mundane

Lysa TerKeust, author of "What Happens When Women Say Yes To God?", writes, "A holy God in the middle of life's mundane activities will change your life. But you might not always feel happy about the changes." (pg 15)

Last year, when we had Molly, life was anything but mundane. But I was so focused on 'the moment'. She was in the NICU, like her big brother had been. Yet another similarity in a long list of them. Everything seemed to tell us, she was JUST like Michael. 

But she wasn't. Though her early life mirrored his in many ways, she was different. We didn't want the experience again, but there we were, at times scared...or rather, terrified. 

God changed us in those days, we sought Him with each breath, and yet we stressed ourselves silly. What would it have been like, if we embraced the up's and downs?

These days, life is full of 'busy-work', the mundane. (see a theme?!) Dishes, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, cooking, cleaning, wiping noses and changing diapers. Everyday. Sometimes twice a day, sometimes more! All day long. So many times, I want to grumble about that dish I just cleaned, being dirty again. Or that load of laundry I swear I just washed, but is dirty again. But...I remember the early months of her entry into the world. I remember what we've lost. 

And my heart cries out to God, "Father forgive me! Help me to see the good in this dish, help me to see the why of that load. Help me to know what a joy it is to serve my family, for You. I know my heart yearns for more, bigger, better, grander. But You tell me, smaller, simpler, personal and in the RIGHT NOW."

When He is in control, by my choosing, He can bring about the changes needed. When He is there, showing His plan, step by step...when I am there saying Yes, Lord, yes, Abba whatever it takes, I want to grab the RIGHT NOW, and learn to embrace the mundane. I never want to become so caught up in the, "...too tired, too insecure, too uncertain, too busy or too selfish..." (pg11) that I can't see the joy of loving my family through cooking, cleaning, raising and loving. All of which He has called me too, called me for, and made just for me!

What's your 'too'? What's your mundane? Can you hear your soul longing for Him to meet you, right now, when the rice is burning because you need to step between siblings? Can you hear His small voice, even when life does all it can to distract you? Can you hear His nudge, in the midst of your coming and goings?

Can you hear Him?

Will you say yes to Him?


Linked up at: 
 

One Day Without Facebook

Going without Facebook for 11-12 hours today, I learned a few things. Okay, well many more than a few, but I'm just going to share a few. ;)

1) There IS life outside of Facebook.
2) Household duties get accomplished.
3) Spending time on the floor with your kids is lots of fun.
4) Reading an actual book is lovely.
5) Spending approximately 4 hours studying the Bible is awesome.(This I KNOW will not happen often!)
6) Though I wanted to log on, and post my thoughts on what I was reading, I didn't. It 'forced' me to talk them out with God, and journal them.
7) The lack of distractions was very nice. 
8) I found many of my 'old' bible studies, and found that some of them needed finishing. I know what I'll be doing.
9) Spending time with ones own thoughts, instead of just spewing them out for people to read, does good things in the way of naturally editing them. ;)
10) I missed FB. The validation, the agreement, the 'risk' of disagreement. The attention. But I also..didn't miss it after awhile. If that makes sense. 


As you know, I've been rethinking a lot of things. Trying to make simple a focus. Cutting out what distracts me from God, my family...my home. (who are really the same thing, ya know.) Last night, while reading the book, "Seven" I felt the desire to skip Facebook for today. So I did. I only told my Mom and a good friend. I've noticed that I LOVE to announce grand schemes to the world, and not follow through. So instead...I've been trying out something new.

Tell y'all AFTER I've done what I feel led to do. So far, it seems to be fairing better. :) 


On another note, something else I read today...

In "Desperate", written by Sarah Mae and Sally Clarkson, Sally writes, "We are living in an isolationist culture today and have become accustomed to lonely living that God never intended us to experience. I often felt the keen sting of modern culture's unfamiliar and hostile isolation." (page 19)

She goes on to explain that we are built and made for community, daily interactions with others, building relations face-to-face. In today's society, we are growing farther away from this, and closer to the rude, evasiveness of social media. I know that I myself have fallen prey to this, time and time again. The lure of the masses, but online. Mob mentality...on the interweb. It's a real thing.

So, in an effort to break with the norm, today has been about living with my family, not ignoring them. And ignoring I did. This makes me sad. I have used the computer as a means to escape my family, my home, my thoughts. I use it to invade others spaces, albeit they do the same. Invade seems bad, but really...consider how much we put out there now? What you reveal in those innocent pictures, posts, comments, likes, searches...it speaks volumes. Do you ever wonder what it says about you? About the state of your heart?
I didn't. But I do now.

Simplify

The more I pray about what He wants me to do, the more it seems that the word simplify sums it all up nicely.

I have too many emails daily, I can't read them all. Limit them to 10. Simple.
I have too many groups I'm in, on Facebook. Limit them to 20. Simple.
I have too many XYZ, simplify.
Make it simple, don't over think and follow His lead.


I'm re-reading a book:

Find it here.

The author, Jen, goes on a quest of sorts. To simplify her life in unconventional ways. Although in some ways I can't relate, ( I don't have the income, or clothing etc that she had had), I admire her in that she gave up things that many of us, myself included, consider very important. I knew the second time I read this, I would make choices to give things up, cut back on others, prayerfully consider my days and making sure they followed His lead.
I wasn't wrong.

I highly recommend this book. It might make you rethink a few things.

Good Morning Girls Colossians Study - Week 2

We're on week two already! It's been a challenge for me, to be consistent with the time I get into His word. Right now, it's whenever I have a moment to sit on concentrate. Which at this point, relies on when my son takes his naps and when I'm not busy doing other things! Like doctors appointments, house hold thing, etc. Wait...those are excuses, aren't they?! ;) 

I'm also trying to find ways to give encouragement to my little group of ladies, whom I know are just as busy, well, MORE so than I am.

This week the focus is on God's Supremacy. The full text we're looking at this week is: Colossians 1:15-23

¹⁵ He is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. ¹⁶ For by Him all things were created, both in the heavens and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or rulers or authorities—all things have been created through Him and for Him. ¹⁷ He is before all things, and in Him all things hold together. ¹⁸ He is also head of the body, the church; and He is the beginning, the firstborn from the dead, so that He Himself will come to have first place in everything.¹⁹ For it was the Father’s good pleasure for all the fullness to dwell in Him, ²⁰ and through Him to reconcile all things to Himself, having made peace through the blood of His cross; through Him, I say, whether things on earth or things in heaven.

²¹ And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, ²² yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach— ²³ if indeed you continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of the gospel that you have heard, which was proclaimed in all creation under heaven, and of which I, Paul, was made a minister.

Wow, how beautiful those words are, to a weary and disheartened soul. To a person who thinks they have to carry the burden of life on their own. Not so! He is the chosen one to carry our burdens and to show us through His example of how to walk through this life. 

Going through these verses remind me to be very thankful for what He's done for me. To not take for granted the grace and mercy of my Savior. 

What about God's supremacy gives you comfort?

Prayer, What Do I Say?

We're almost done with our first week of the Good Morning Girls study through Colossians, and this week we've been looking at the beginning verses. Paul is telling the believers of Colossae that he's been keeping them in prayer, and OH what a prayer! 

Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,

² To the saints and faithful brethren in Christ who are at Colossae: Grace to you and peace from God our Father.

³ We give thanks to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you, ⁴ since we heard of your faith in Christ Jesus and the love which you have for all the saints;⁵ because of the hope laid up for you in heaven, of which you previously heard in the word of truth, the gospel ⁶ which has come to you, just as in all the world also it is constantly bearing fruit and increasing, even as it has been doing in you also since the day you heard of it and understood the grace of God in truth; ⁷ just as you learned it fromEpaphras, our beloved fellow bond-servant, who is a faithful servant of Christ on our behalf,⁸ and he also informed us of your love in the Spirit.

⁹ For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding, ¹⁰ so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God;¹¹ strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, ^for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously ¹² giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.

Hope laid up in heaven. 

Bearing fruit.

Increasing in Him.

Filled with His knowledge and wisdom.

Not ceasing to pray.

Walk in a manner worth of the Lord.

Pleasing Him.

Attaining steadfastness and patience.

Joyfully giving thanks to God, because He qualified us. 

Wow. And wow. 

I've not been the most consistent prayer for those I should be covering in prayer. Heck, I don't even pray for myself or my situations with consistency. It's really struck me seeing how Paul pray's for these people, many (most) of whom he's never met, but only heard about. He is a diligent prayer, and he pray's with great wisdom for their needs. I've been convicted to follow his example. 

Sometimes I don't know WHAT to pray for, but Paul, once again, gives great ideas and examples in the letters to the churches, that we call can follow. Everyone can do with prayers to grow closer to God, to gain in His wisdom, to be joyful because of His mercy and grace of the cross. Not one person would go amiss with prayers like that. 

So those have been my marching orders! :) 

PS. I'm in a leadership group on Facebook for the Good Morning Girls study, and one of the lovely gals shared how she was using note cards to pray for her group. I've followed her example, and done the same for those in my group, as well as those who come to mind. Sometimes it's hard to keep straight who needs prayer for what, but in writing it down, it's easier for me. Also, it's a great way to share in the excitement of answered prayers! :) 

Romans 3 - Righteousness Vs. The Law: By Gift Vs. By Works

Growing up I loved reading through Romans. So cut and dried. Black and White. It may be considered a strange book for a young girl to appreciate as much as I did and do. But if you know me, you know I love cut and dried, black and white, straight forward type of thinking and talking.  And for this reason perhaps, small talk is more difficult for me. 

This morning I read through Romans 3. The theme that jumps out at me is that ALL fall short, NOT ONE person is righteous, ALL are liars. We receive His Righteousness through faith in Christ alone. No work of our hands. Not via good intentions.

Verse 28, For we maintain that a man is justified by faith apart from works of the Law. (emphasis mine)

Our justification comes as a gift.

Verse 24, being justified as a GIFT by His grace through the redemption which is in Christ Jesus. (emphasis mine)

So if it's a gift, if we can do NOTHING to receive this gift, except accept Jesus and acknowledge He is our Redeemer...why then to we quibble over the HOW of being saved? Why do we have 'recipes' of how to pray and accept? We are as individual from each other as we can get, so to my way of thinking, our acceptance of Christ should be as varied as we are. Oh, please believe me when I say that this DOES not mean I am suggesting the 'all paths lead to God' belief. No...I'm saying that our first prayers to God when we accept Him for who He is, are unique. Only we know what is in our hearts and what needs to be laid at the foot of the cross. Our acceptance doesn't depend on man-made carbon copy prayers, or the 'pray after me' ideology. It depends on our heart.  

We are all fallen creatures, unrighteous, and broken. Until God finds us, speaks to us and lifts us up. We have to be willing. We have to accept that He is who He says He is. (speaking to those who choose to believe) And along the way, we must not lose sight of the fact that we are ALL sinners and we ALL need saving, His love and His understanding. 

So during the refining process, we mustn't bash those around us who are not on the path we're on. First of all, again, we're all unique, so our journey will look different. Second, we all have stumbling blocks and just because mine isn't yours, or yours isn't mine, doesn't mean we're both not still growing, learning, becoming more like Christ. 

I'm so guilty of having a judgmental attitude. I don't know how to separate admonishment from judging. Correction from judging. I'm missing the love of Christ. The compassion He desires us to have towards each other. Maybe it's the black and white nature of my nature. The absoluteness of my brain. And I will acknowledge that those are excuses, especially when I profess to be a believer. 

My edges are not soft and smooth, not yet. I have a long ways to go, before I'm the person He intends me to be. It's going to hurt too...because already I am facing my own words and beliefs down, one by one. I'm holding them to the Word of God. Weighing them. Measuring them up. Only to find that they are not as I thought. I'm missing a few ingredients. But I will find them. God willing. 

Ephesians 2:8-9, For by GRACE you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves, it is the GIFT of God; NOT as a result of works, so that NO ONE may boast. (emphasis mine)



This post is linked up over at Women Living Well:


Also Linked Up with Homemaker By Choice:



And Lastly, over at The Alabaster Jar:

Me, Wait patiently? Have you met me yet?

How many times have you taken matters into your own hands? How many times have you asked God to do something, help you with something...only to give up and do it yourself?

I've lost count of how many times I've stepped up and out, when I should have sat down and stepped back.

I've decided that us women like things done, and done yesterday. At least for me. Waiting and having patience is NOT part of my DNA...yet God asks us to WAIT...be still. Allow Him.

Psalm 52:9I will give You thanks forever, because You have done it, And I will wait on Your name, for it is good, in the presence of Your godly ones.

Psalm 62:1 My soul waits in silence for God only; From Him is my salvation.

Psalm 62:5 My soul, wait in silence for God only, For my hope is from Him. 

Genesis 49:18 “For Your salvation I wait, O LORD. 

Psalm 33:20 Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. 

Psalm 27:14 Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD. 

Psalm 37:7 Rest in the LORD and wait patiently for Him; Do not fret because of him who prospers in his way, Because of the man who carries out wicked schemes. 

Psalm 37:9 For evildoers will be cut off, But those who wait for the LORD, they will inherit the land.

 

 Wait, wait in silence, wait on, wait for...I sense a theme here, David! I love the Psalms. Many times in my life I've turned to them, and have found one that echos my hearts longings. David is always good to remind me (us) to turn to God. Wait on Him. Rely on His right hand to reach down and touch my life, in His timing. 

 

So....here's to waiting on the Lords timing, not my own. The Lords will, not my own. The Lords truth, and not my own (or this worlds). 

 

What are you seeking from God, that you need to wait on, with patience and endurance?  

Being a Mom

Being a Mom is the most humbling, stretching, tiring, loving, growing, giving, sacrificing and beautiful role.

I am truly blessed to have this role allowed to me, twice now. Whenever I look into my sons eyes, I give thanks and say a prayer, to be a worthy mother, an excellent role model for his future wife and a good teacher.

As we do our research on homeschooling curriculum and begin to prayerfully seek God's plan for us as parents, I'm struck by the responsibility of being a mother.

I am responsible to raise my children in the Word of my Living God.

I am responsible to teach my children to walk uprightly and honorably.

I am responsible to pray for them daily, lifting them up always.

I am responsible to set a righteous example of faith and obedience.

I am responsible to be the example of a Godly wife and mother.

I am responsible.
Now, knowing this responsibility, I must get on my knees in thanksgiving and prayerfully seek out His help.
I will fail.
I will mess up.
I am human, after all!

But with Christ as my cornerstone, and the Holy Spirit guiding me...
I will run the race with a smile and thanksgiving.

3In30

In order to meet my 2012 goals, (read here for those!), I've decided to join Megan and Ashley over at 3 in 30 Challenge! Simple concept, really and I love simple! You pick 3 things to accomplish in 30 days. Just three. See. Simple. Then they've invited others to blog about their success and progress!

My picks to WORK on are:

 Blog/write more frequently

Organize our home so that everything has a place

Work on loving Christs way, starting at home with my family

I can't wait to share how I've been doing, so check back! :)





In His Hand,



Peggy

Related articles

• The Bible In A Year (doughnutholes.wordpress.com)


• "Blessed Is He Who Reads and Those Who Hear the Words of This Prophecy....rev 1:3 (verticalviewer.wordpress.com)


• How many of the books in the bible that Paul wrote contain his prayers for the churches he is writing to (wiki.answers.com)