Living With Hope not Fear

We can also exult in our tribulations, knowing that tribulation brings about perseverance,

and perseverance proven character, and proven character, hope.

Hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out

within our hearts through the Holy Spirit who was given to us.

Romans 5:3-5

This pregnancy has been a practice of faith and trust in God, from the very beginning. It continues to be so now. Lemme tell you why...

My blood pressure has started to do wonky things, like being higher than we'd like. It's no longer a cuff issue, as at home we get the same numbers the Dr. office and hospital have been getting. So now, all MY plans are tossed out and I'm on my knees in prayer to keep Jeremiah in until 36-37wks. I pray for His peace every day, many times a day. I KNOW He has a perfect plan. I've been praying to know that plan, and submit my heart and mind to it. The last place I want to be is outside the plan. He has been faithful to us up til now, He will continue to do so.

So now, our thoughts are on being prepared every week for it to be THE week we meet Jeremiah. It's a practice in faith, trust and peace. We have thought about the outcome, talked about how we'd handle the details, all the while pouring out our fears and hopes at His feet, and receiving grace and peace in return.

We have also been dealing with the emotional fallout of this birth being similar to Michaels. All the fears of the unknown, yet known are present. No way around them, but to again lay them at His feet, over and over again until they stay there.

Many thoughts come back to me, in this time. Who am I that I might have special treatment? Who are we to expect a pain free, fear free life while here? What have I done, that is special enough to grant me ease all the days of my life?

Nothing.

Not one thing.

Yet...

I have hope. I'm reminded again and again that I have hope. I have a God who is much bigger, and much more than I can imagine. I trusted Him in those days after Michael. I can trust Him with Jeremiah now. Jeremiah is, after all, His child first. I'm just borrowing him for a time.

Nights are the hardest for me, it's when my fears are unleashed and try to rob me of my precious little sleep. Last night, I poured out my fears to God, and suddenly felt so much peace and hope. I immediately feel asleep. While I'm not 100% rested this morning, I still feel the presence of God, the peace and hope He gave me.

With all my heart, I rejoice today, for the hope and peace I have in Christ. No matter the outcome, I will continue to rejoice in His mercy and love.

In His hands,

Peggy