Okay, this may be a VERY rambling post, because I WANT to blog, but my brain just wants to check out...
But I have a lot floating around too.
I've been keeping a journal of all the medical things on Molly, since she went to the NICU, and it's already 6 pages long. She's only been there 2 days, give or take a few hours. They throw so much information at you, that it's best to write it down as you go. I didn't with Michael, and had things mixed up big time. This time, it's been easier for sure.
The only thing I'm not really putting in there is the emotional side of it. That would take up a lot more space...so that is why I'm here.
NICU's are funny things. You really and truly do ride an emotional and medical roller coaster. Good days, bad days, ups and downs. It's all part of the package.
The thing is...we're fighting flash backs. I didn't realize how much I'd connected Mickey's NICU stay to his death. But I guess I did...because the flash backs are hard to deal with when they come.
Seeing Molly so upset, because she's hungry just kills me...I know how to make her feeling better, but I can't do that yet. Her little system has to heal first. So I bribe her with a drop of glucose water, and her pacifier. I caress her head and kiss her hands. I sing softly in her ears and tell her I love her more than she knows....all while trying to hold back tears. I think she knows I'm torn up, because she doesn't settle right away, not until I take a deep breath and release it to God, does she settle into my arms, or her crib. I want to hold her all the time...
I miss being around my home, I miss thinking mundane things. I miss the routine I had with J and Wayne...I wanted to just pop her into it, but I can't right now.
I'm thankful for the Ronald McDonald House, for the great social worker at the hospital, and Molly's nurses and doctors. She is getting amazing care.
ACTUAL MEDICAL UPDATE:
She is on day 2 of NPO (nothing by mouth)
She weighs 4lbs 10.8ozs (down .7 oz)
Her IV sight went bad, so they are changing it.
Signed a consent to have a PICC line put in.
Her antibiotics were d/c'd at this time.
She is stable
She is grumpy she can't eat
She finally got some solid sleep this afternoon.
PT came by and talked to me about her care when home, but they saw we knew premature babies well.
But I have a lot floating around too.
I've been keeping a journal of all the medical things on Molly, since she went to the NICU, and it's already 6 pages long. She's only been there 2 days, give or take a few hours. They throw so much information at you, that it's best to write it down as you go. I didn't with Michael, and had things mixed up big time. This time, it's been easier for sure.
The only thing I'm not really putting in there is the emotional side of it. That would take up a lot more space...so that is why I'm here.
NICU's are funny things. You really and truly do ride an emotional and medical roller coaster. Good days, bad days, ups and downs. It's all part of the package.
The thing is...we're fighting flash backs. I didn't realize how much I'd connected Mickey's NICU stay to his death. But I guess I did...because the flash backs are hard to deal with when they come.
Seeing Molly so upset, because she's hungry just kills me...I know how to make her feeling better, but I can't do that yet. Her little system has to heal first. So I bribe her with a drop of glucose water, and her pacifier. I caress her head and kiss her hands. I sing softly in her ears and tell her I love her more than she knows....all while trying to hold back tears. I think she knows I'm torn up, because she doesn't settle right away, not until I take a deep breath and release it to God, does she settle into my arms, or her crib. I want to hold her all the time...
I miss being around my home, I miss thinking mundane things. I miss the routine I had with J and Wayne...I wanted to just pop her into it, but I can't right now.
I'm thankful for the Ronald McDonald House, for the great social worker at the hospital, and Molly's nurses and doctors. She is getting amazing care.
ACTUAL MEDICAL UPDATE:
She is on day 2 of NPO (nothing by mouth)
She weighs 4lbs 10.8ozs (down .7 oz)
Her IV sight went bad, so they are changing it.
Signed a consent to have a PICC line put in.
Her antibiotics were d/c'd at this time.
She is stable
She is grumpy she can't eat
She finally got some solid sleep this afternoon.
PT came by and talked to me about her care when home, but they saw we knew premature babies well.
Hang in there. I don't know about babies, but I do know emotional turmoil. That part will pass as you realize that this time doesn't have to be like before and that just because Molly is having problems, doesn't mean that she will not be fine soon.
ReplyDeleteContinue to hang tight to Jesus.
((Peggy))I have no words and I pray!!
ReplyDeleteThanks Deanna and Karen. <3
ReplyDeleteI'm hanging in there!
Peggy! You are doing awesome momma, all to expect! I haven't dealt with this as a parent but as a nurse I have for other patients and their families. If you ever need to chat or have medical questions I am here girl!! Email me! Nurselee04@gmail.com. Good luck with baby molly and keep your spirits up, she as you know is feeding off of you, they sense our every emotion! You are doing great!
ReplyDeleteThis brings back so many memories to me. I had two babies in NICU, one for about a week. It's so hard to see your baby going through that, and hard to leave family and home behind. I'm sorry you are reminded of painful memories ... I will pray for you.
ReplyDelete~Heather