I miss it.
Hugely.
Every time I've gotten the inspiration to write, however, one of my wee minions has needed (screamed?) my attention. Even now, the littlest minion is stirring and the mid sized minion has gotten himself stuck in the stroller.
Now that he's been rescued.
I've been trying to work on many things lately. Maybe too many, since I feel as I'm failing completely!
Trying to eat healthy, and count calories.
Trying to read and then obey His word as a wife, mother and keeper of the home-front.
Trying to pray and uplift those that need it in prayer.
It seems simple enough...but somehow I'm not doing as well as I'd hope. I wasn't expecting perfection, I know myself better than that! ;)
But you know what happens, when you pray for something, or pray to change a part of yourself? You're faced with God given opportunities to 'grow' and 'change' but mostly...mess up.
I see my words hitting and eating away at those I love the most. I see my actions harming relationships and almost feel powerless to stop.
But then I remind myself...
I'm the daughter of the Most High. He has victory.
I've been turning to Him more and more through this, and maybe that's just what He wants right now. To turn to Him and hold on with my fingertips.
Too often I turn to someone, rather than the One who can help.
Too often I ask for advice, but not from the One who can help.
Too often I feel it's my right to vent, when I need to submit, obey and pray.
Too often...it happens.
I'm praying for these lessons to be learned fast, however I know it's a lifetime lesson. So I'm trying to pray instead for the grace for each moment as it arises, in the hope that someday...my harsh words and anger won't be there.
Do you deal with this? Praying for change, and seeing yourself mess up in that area, instead of improving? Please share!
I would imagine that we all deal with failing in a really big way. It may sound cliche to you, but I have found in my own experience that when I fail in a really big way, in my struggles and times of seemingly endless troubles, it is then that God draws me closer to Him, closer to being more the way that He would have me.
ReplyDeleteDon't despair overly, for He is shaping you through this struggle. He does see every frustration and every tear.
As for your other activities, perhaps He is calling you to stop and rest for a bit. I have at times felt that I needed to set blogging aside, in order to deal with whatever, once that time passes I come back to blogging. Perhaps now, and I don't know, just suggesting that you could ask Him. Maybe it is time that you write for you personally in a journal for a time, as you record your struggles and your joys, and that you rest more in Him and getting into His word, instead of stressing about blogging.
From what little I have seen, it seems that you are facing a time of great growth, and sometimes those seasons require us to be most intentional about where we focus our energies.
You are a good Mom, and you are a precious child of God. Sometimes life can seem overwhelming and we have to simply trust what we know to be true. You know God, and you know His promises...hold tight to them in your times of struggle. Stay strong my online friend. :)
Deanna,
ReplyDeleteThank you for your words. I think He's used you to speak to me on some things. <3
Thank you for the prayers...they mean more than you know to me.